Post by lust on Feb 25, 2005 10:53:24 GMT -5
a tragic and dramatic incident happened yesterday and although I'm trying to get over it and let it go, I am not sure whether or not I should be mad or cry or what. Me and my grandmother have always been close from day one. But over the past couple of years I had noticed a change in her. We still talked and had coffee and hung out and did things for each other, Me doing more for her it seemed. She loved hanging out with the girls and loved kayla coming over to play in her yard with her dogs and stuff. But then my uncle comes down and starts telling me that my grandmother is talking alot of chit to him about me. Like, she said that I turned out to be trailor trash, she thought I was on drugs, she felt like a built in babysitter, and that she didn't believe me about alot of things I say and about things I've said about what my mother did to me. Then a few days ago he said that she made a comment saying she didn't understand why I had to get my car and then yesterday he tells me that she's complaining about the kind of music that I listen to and now she's accusing me of being a thief. Then he starts giving me this lecture on how I should go and talk to her and try to work things out because he doesn't like to see us drift apart.
Then later he tells me that it wouldn't do any good to talk to her because she's got this attitude that she doesn't think she's done anything wrong. So me, being fed up with the chit that I'm hearing and getting tired of her coming over here with a smile on her face acting like everything is all hunky dory then going behind my back and talking mad chit, I go to her house and tell her that we need to talk. When I tell her that Mike told me the things that she was saying, she denies it and says she wants Mike there. So I bring mike over. Of course, Mike suddenly changes his story and is trying to turn things around and make it sound like he said something else. I looked at him and told him don't lie, tell her what you told me. And he just sits there like a lump on a log with drool comin out his mouth.
So I asked her why is she saying all these things. I haven't given her any reason not to trust me. I've never lied to her or stole from her, all I've ever done was be there for her and help her. And I wanted to know why she was still doggin' Aron. She never has anything positive to say about us. Why is she callin me trailor trash? she's the one who lives in a trailor.
Well, somewhere in there my grandmother repeated a comment that Aron had made to me in the kitchen and the only other person to hear it would have been my uncle. So during this conversation which really wasn't a conversation, but rather an attitude match, I find out the my uncle is going back to my grandmother and telling her everything that me and Aron were talking about then he was coming to me and telling me everything that she was saying. So really, He instigated it all. My grandmother even said to him that he did and he said he didn't and I looked at her and told her there wouldn't be anything to instigate if people would just keep their mouths shut.
So anyway, all I wanted to know was why she was saying those things when we've been so close and were supposed to be "friends". I NEVER put her down or insulted her or degraded her in any way. But in response to my questions this is what she says to me.
She calls me trailor trash because of the way me and Aron argue with one another and talk to one another when we are angry. The kind of music that I listen to with all the curse words. I listen to Eminem. She tells me that I am an Idiot! and I'm an irresponsible mother and that I'm immature and I'm not grown but I think I am, that my kids are going to grow up to be rebellious hellions and that I don't have a brain and don't think because I'm such an idiot. Then she tells me that I have mental problems, there's something wrong in my head that I'm mentally unstable.
Then she says that she doesn't like my attitude and it shows by the sticker that I put on my car. I put a sticker on my car that says, "if it's too loud, your too old" I told her I put it there cause I thought it was funny, it has nothing to do with attitude but she kept saying that I had a bad attitude and again, I'm an idiot.
And she says the reason she said she didn't understand why I got my car is because we're not that financially stable to afford it. First off, we're more financially able than she is. And secondly, what business of hers is it on how financially stable we are??
She puts aron down and calls him irresponsible and tells me that my mother was right about him and tells me because I live with him I'm no better than he is. Then she starts to say that I'm hateful and mean when I talk and I';m hateful when I talk to my children and blah blah. She kept going around in circles. I'm an idiot, I have mental problems, I don't think, I'm immature, I'm an irresponsible mother, I have no respect, I'm trailor trash..................
So, she's judging me by a sticker on my car, the music I listen to and the way I argue with my spouse.
I tried to tell her that I teach my children just because you hear it doesn't mean you can say it. When kayla does and IF she repeats what she hears I step in and correct her. If she doesn't hear it in my home, she's going to hear on TV, or from friends or other people out in public. Children are going to repeat what they see and hear but as a responsible parent it is my job to step in and correct her and tell her those are not lil girl words. And I DO that. But she doesn't believe it. She says that's not HER way. So I tell her first off, they are NOT HER kids. I say what is right for them, NOT her!! I raise them how I see fit. My children get lots of love, they are not neglected in any way shape or form, they are fed, clothed and protected. But according to her I'm an idiot and still an irresponsible mother.
She sounded just like my mother when she spoke those words. I cut my ties with my mother because my mother physically, mentally and verbally abused me all my life. She always told me I was stupid and an idiot and that I'd never amount to anything in my life and that I was good for nothing and she hated me and nothing I ever did was right. Among many many other things. After years of trying to work things out and have her apart of my life I finally had to cut my ties because she insulted me, she insulted Aron and she insulted my children. And when my grandmother talked to me the way she did, I saw my mother all over again. They aren't looking and giving me credit for all the good things I've done with my life. They just sit there and pick out all the bad things and hold them against me. Even if I do do something good, they keep picking away at it until they find a flaw and throw it in my face.
I never insulted my grandmother and called her any names, I just asked her why she was saying those things and this is what I get in return. There was no more talking to her because every other word out of her mouth was Idiot, irresponsible mother, mental.........blah blah. You know the rest. So, I did what I thought had to be done. I got my children, I stood up and walked to the door and turned to look at her and said, "Well, since I'm such an idiot and have no brain and don't think, as far as I'm concerned, you can sit on that same boat with my mother and drift out to sea!" and I walked out. That's it. I cut myself from her. She won't see my girls anymore and she won't see me. If I'm such trailor trash and such a bad mother, then since this bad trailor trash of a mother is raising kids, then I guess my kids will grow up to be idiots and trailor trash too. And she'll diss them like she did me and I'm not going to give her that chance. She talked and acted just like the one person in this world that I despise and hate with a passion. My mother. So, if that's how she is going to act, then she will be treated just like her.
But It hurts knowing that those words came out of her mouth. The one person who took care of me and raised me most my life and took me out of bad situations. The one person who was more of a mother to me than my own. the One person I could talk to about anything and everything. The one person who I thought would never judge me. The one person in my whole family who I thought would never turn from me. And............She did.
I don't know whether to cry or be mad or be depressed. I guess I'm a lil bit of everything. Yesterday I sat in bed drinking coffee and eating a whole box of doughnuts. I tried reading a book but couldn't keep my thoughts straight. I tried to clean my house but was too depressed and had a headache. I took a drive to clear my head but couldn't concentrate. Everyone keeps telling me to just let it go and let it pass. But it's easier said than done. When someone you thought you were so close to and cherished with all your heart turns on you in the blink of an eye.........What do you do? To hear such insults spill from their mouth. But I KNOW that none of what she said was true, but to still know that that's what she thinks of me? I've never given her any reason to think such things. I have a home, a lovely home, a car, a beautiful family that I bust my azz for everyday to take care of, my bills are always paid, I've never had to struggle for money to pay my bills or put food on the table, my children are dearly loved and cared for. I'm not on the streets selling or doing drugs, I'm not homeless. I don't beat or abuse my children. I and stern when need be and gentle and loving with them. HOW in the name of GAWD! can she say such awful and hurtful things to me??
I am depressed. So awfully depressed and I know I shouldn't let it bother me like this, but I can't help it. I don't know what to do.......................
Then later he tells me that it wouldn't do any good to talk to her because she's got this attitude that she doesn't think she's done anything wrong. So me, being fed up with the chit that I'm hearing and getting tired of her coming over here with a smile on her face acting like everything is all hunky dory then going behind my back and talking mad chit, I go to her house and tell her that we need to talk. When I tell her that Mike told me the things that she was saying, she denies it and says she wants Mike there. So I bring mike over. Of course, Mike suddenly changes his story and is trying to turn things around and make it sound like he said something else. I looked at him and told him don't lie, tell her what you told me. And he just sits there like a lump on a log with drool comin out his mouth.
So I asked her why is she saying all these things. I haven't given her any reason not to trust me. I've never lied to her or stole from her, all I've ever done was be there for her and help her. And I wanted to know why she was still doggin' Aron. She never has anything positive to say about us. Why is she callin me trailor trash? she's the one who lives in a trailor.
Well, somewhere in there my grandmother repeated a comment that Aron had made to me in the kitchen and the only other person to hear it would have been my uncle. So during this conversation which really wasn't a conversation, but rather an attitude match, I find out the my uncle is going back to my grandmother and telling her everything that me and Aron were talking about then he was coming to me and telling me everything that she was saying. So really, He instigated it all. My grandmother even said to him that he did and he said he didn't and I looked at her and told her there wouldn't be anything to instigate if people would just keep their mouths shut.
So anyway, all I wanted to know was why she was saying those things when we've been so close and were supposed to be "friends". I NEVER put her down or insulted her or degraded her in any way. But in response to my questions this is what she says to me.
She calls me trailor trash because of the way me and Aron argue with one another and talk to one another when we are angry. The kind of music that I listen to with all the curse words. I listen to Eminem. She tells me that I am an Idiot! and I'm an irresponsible mother and that I'm immature and I'm not grown but I think I am, that my kids are going to grow up to be rebellious hellions and that I don't have a brain and don't think because I'm such an idiot. Then she tells me that I have mental problems, there's something wrong in my head that I'm mentally unstable.
Then she says that she doesn't like my attitude and it shows by the sticker that I put on my car. I put a sticker on my car that says, "if it's too loud, your too old" I told her I put it there cause I thought it was funny, it has nothing to do with attitude but she kept saying that I had a bad attitude and again, I'm an idiot.
And she says the reason she said she didn't understand why I got my car is because we're not that financially stable to afford it. First off, we're more financially able than she is. And secondly, what business of hers is it on how financially stable we are??
She puts aron down and calls him irresponsible and tells me that my mother was right about him and tells me because I live with him I'm no better than he is. Then she starts to say that I'm hateful and mean when I talk and I';m hateful when I talk to my children and blah blah. She kept going around in circles. I'm an idiot, I have mental problems, I don't think, I'm immature, I'm an irresponsible mother, I have no respect, I'm trailor trash..................
So, she's judging me by a sticker on my car, the music I listen to and the way I argue with my spouse.
I tried to tell her that I teach my children just because you hear it doesn't mean you can say it. When kayla does and IF she repeats what she hears I step in and correct her. If she doesn't hear it in my home, she's going to hear on TV, or from friends or other people out in public. Children are going to repeat what they see and hear but as a responsible parent it is my job to step in and correct her and tell her those are not lil girl words. And I DO that. But she doesn't believe it. She says that's not HER way. So I tell her first off, they are NOT HER kids. I say what is right for them, NOT her!! I raise them how I see fit. My children get lots of love, they are not neglected in any way shape or form, they are fed, clothed and protected. But according to her I'm an idiot and still an irresponsible mother.
She sounded just like my mother when she spoke those words. I cut my ties with my mother because my mother physically, mentally and verbally abused me all my life. She always told me I was stupid and an idiot and that I'd never amount to anything in my life and that I was good for nothing and she hated me and nothing I ever did was right. Among many many other things. After years of trying to work things out and have her apart of my life I finally had to cut my ties because she insulted me, she insulted Aron and she insulted my children. And when my grandmother talked to me the way she did, I saw my mother all over again. They aren't looking and giving me credit for all the good things I've done with my life. They just sit there and pick out all the bad things and hold them against me. Even if I do do something good, they keep picking away at it until they find a flaw and throw it in my face.
I never insulted my grandmother and called her any names, I just asked her why she was saying those things and this is what I get in return. There was no more talking to her because every other word out of her mouth was Idiot, irresponsible mother, mental.........blah blah. You know the rest. So, I did what I thought had to be done. I got my children, I stood up and walked to the door and turned to look at her and said, "Well, since I'm such an idiot and have no brain and don't think, as far as I'm concerned, you can sit on that same boat with my mother and drift out to sea!" and I walked out. That's it. I cut myself from her. She won't see my girls anymore and she won't see me. If I'm such trailor trash and such a bad mother, then since this bad trailor trash of a mother is raising kids, then I guess my kids will grow up to be idiots and trailor trash too. And she'll diss them like she did me and I'm not going to give her that chance. She talked and acted just like the one person in this world that I despise and hate with a passion. My mother. So, if that's how she is going to act, then she will be treated just like her.
But It hurts knowing that those words came out of her mouth. The one person who took care of me and raised me most my life and took me out of bad situations. The one person who was more of a mother to me than my own. the One person I could talk to about anything and everything. The one person who I thought would never judge me. The one person in my whole family who I thought would never turn from me. And............She did.
I don't know whether to cry or be mad or be depressed. I guess I'm a lil bit of everything. Yesterday I sat in bed drinking coffee and eating a whole box of doughnuts. I tried reading a book but couldn't keep my thoughts straight. I tried to clean my house but was too depressed and had a headache. I took a drive to clear my head but couldn't concentrate. Everyone keeps telling me to just let it go and let it pass. But it's easier said than done. When someone you thought you were so close to and cherished with all your heart turns on you in the blink of an eye.........What do you do? To hear such insults spill from their mouth. But I KNOW that none of what she said was true, but to still know that that's what she thinks of me? I've never given her any reason to think such things. I have a home, a lovely home, a car, a beautiful family that I bust my azz for everyday to take care of, my bills are always paid, I've never had to struggle for money to pay my bills or put food on the table, my children are dearly loved and cared for. I'm not on the streets selling or doing drugs, I'm not homeless. I don't beat or abuse my children. I and stern when need be and gentle and loving with them. HOW in the name of GAWD! can she say such awful and hurtful things to me??
I am depressed. So awfully depressed and I know I shouldn't let it bother me like this, but I can't help it. I don't know what to do.......................